What's the point of telling my feelings to someone who doesn't take me seriously Fuck.
I just want to runaway and be invisible. I lead a pathetic life. Jess deserved to live I really didn't. I only get in the way. Jess was full of amazing energy with one hell of a laugh.
My mother was right about me. Sometimes I wish she really did kill me, instead she made me feel so worthless and dead inside like an empty shell. Instead of death I was granted a broken spirit.
She always said no one else wanted me, she always told me she wanted to get rid of me and put me back in an orphanage. Why couldn't you have just killed me? It would've been easier for everyone. What's the point of life? To love? To love and get it broken where you felt worse now than before feeling it?
Jess I know this is karma for all the shit I put you through . What the fuck is love because I don't know what it is anymore, maybe what I thought it was doesn't exist anymore. I sure in the hell get I don't deserve it. I don't know why I've been so low past month or so, feeling so lonely. Then again It's always there but it's getting harder to fake. Jess I need to talk to you, but I know you needed me too and I always failed you.
I'm an ass hole I never deserved you. She was right about that but not for the reason she thinks. Fuck she didn't even give a fuck about you until you passed , she hated you but you passed and she can bring you up whenever but I wasn't allowed to be sad about you because I wasn't "in your circle anymore" ? Fuck that she knew nothing about you. I loved you, I love you. You were everything I let it slip. You took me for who I was, you knew every fucking thing about me. You knew all of me before I seperated myself into my seperate lives.
It should have been me. I wish it was me.